Do not invite me to hang out with you via Facebook Status Update. If you want to hang out with me, then mother fucking call me. It may sound harsh, but honestly, there are a lot of people you are friends with that I would never want to be associated with. The only people you are attracting with an invitation like that are people with nothing better to do than to hang out with you or people who would want to murder you. No fucking thank you.
At least you are warning me your whereabouts. Thanks?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Lady and the Air Conditioner
Holy shit. My first delivery of the night was to this handicapped woman who lived in a fucking slum of an apartment complex. I was told that I had to knock on this woman's window in the rear of her apartment. There was a note on the receipt that stated, "she has the bigger air conditioner," and that was how I was to recognize her shit-hole. Understandably, Trevor came with me on this delivery in case shit went down and to make sure I had a witness.
After an awkward conversation through her window shades, the lady met us at the front door and explained to us that she "iz in uh hawspituhl bayed ownlee sum uv duh tyme, so duh drivahz delivuh threw duh windaw." Lackluster? Yes, but on the trip to her front door, a man on top of the staircase stared down at us and shouted the words, "Whose the green man?" I did not see him after that.
Also on the second story was a man with his apartment door open while he smoked/shouted on the phone (Of course). He was wearing a black, sleeveless t-shirt with jean shorts and boots. This is what we heard him shout:
"She's going to take her word over mine because I'mma man and she's a woman. It's because I have a dick and she has a pussy. It's bullshit."
And then...
"I want MY last name on her birth certificate, and I want HER to have MY last name! Fuck her mother!"
I don't know what to say.
After an awkward conversation through her window shades, the lady met us at the front door and explained to us that she "iz in uh hawspituhl bayed ownlee sum uv duh tyme, so duh drivahz delivuh threw duh windaw." Lackluster? Yes, but on the trip to her front door, a man on top of the staircase stared down at us and shouted the words, "Whose the green man?" I did not see him after that.
Also on the second story was a man with his apartment door open while he smoked/shouted on the phone (Of course). He was wearing a black, sleeveless t-shirt with jean shorts and boots. This is what we heard him shout:
"She's going to take her word over mine because I'mma man and she's a woman. It's because I have a dick and she has a pussy. It's bullshit."
And then...
"I want MY last name on her birth certificate, and I want HER to have MY last name! Fuck her mother!"
I don't know what to say.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
New Years Pictures in Late May
I went to Disney World for New Years with my family. I took a lot of pictures, mostly of family, and mostly of the depressing things around me. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the trip:
This guy was a mother fucking trip! I found him in line at ride that is inside the giant golf ball looking shit. I don't know what he's up to, but count me in!
This is the line for that ride. "Soarin' over California"'s wait time was projected to be 5 hours long. People waited in those lines for five hours. Five hours for their fat fucking children to not appreciate the fact that vacations cost a shit ton of money.
This is the angry Spanish lady who was screaming on her cell phone near the entrance of the golf ball ride. Maybe I should just figure out what the fucking name of that ride is, but I doubt anyone reading this cares/knows. Everything about this woman shouts "foreigner."
This was the door to the men's bathroom. Disney sells sex to kidz? NO WAI!
More subtle Disney dick references.
All of the pictures above are tame compared to the shit that comes next...
I was watching this guy for a while. At first, it looked like he was talking to the plant right in front of him. Also, I feel it's just necessary to photograph people you suspect falsely using handicapped scooters. Like Dobbins always says: You were born skinny; you chose to be fat.
The father/boyfriend's hat/short/boot/tit combo almost forces one to overlook the preteen denim-fupa.
No one is touching these strollers. NO ONE!!!
Doesn't this shit piss you off??? FUCK! Also, notice the couple living it up by the trash can.
Let's state the facts up front on this one:
1) Sleeveless American flag shirt.
2) 2 cigarettes.
3) 2 colas.
4) Jorts.
5) Bowl cut.
This is my favorite picture, hands down. Just look at the poor, pathetic kid with the fake glasses! The, what I can just assume, stepfather looks as if he's just about to say, "Yeah, its a Boflex body," at any minute! Also, notice the queer, balding man on the immediate left. And yes, I told Dusty to pose and act as a decoy. He is making the face of what I assume every girl sees before he lays down his sex.
This guy was a mother fucking trip! I found him in line at ride that is inside the giant golf ball looking shit. I don't know what he's up to, but count me in!
This is the line for that ride. "Soarin' over California"'s wait time was projected to be 5 hours long. People waited in those lines for five hours. Five hours for their fat fucking children to not appreciate the fact that vacations cost a shit ton of money.
This is the angry Spanish lady who was screaming on her cell phone near the entrance of the golf ball ride. Maybe I should just figure out what the fucking name of that ride is, but I doubt anyone reading this cares/knows. Everything about this woman shouts "foreigner."
This was the door to the men's bathroom. Disney sells sex to kidz? NO WAI!
More subtle Disney dick references. All of the pictures above are tame compared to the shit that comes next...
I was watching this guy for a while. At first, it looked like he was talking to the plant right in front of him. Also, I feel it's just necessary to photograph people you suspect falsely using handicapped scooters. Like Dobbins always says: You were born skinny; you chose to be fat.
The father/boyfriend's hat/short/boot/tit combo almost forces one to overlook the preteen denim-fupa.
No one is touching these strollers. NO ONE!!!
Doesn't this shit piss you off??? FUCK! Also, notice the couple living it up by the trash can. 
Let's state the facts up front on this one:1) Sleeveless American flag shirt.
2) 2 cigarettes.
3) 2 colas.
4) Jorts.
5) Bowl cut.
This is my favorite picture, hands down. Just look at the poor, pathetic kid with the fake glasses! The, what I can just assume, stepfather looks as if he's just about to say, "Yeah, its a Boflex body," at any minute! Also, notice the queer, balding man on the immediate left. And yes, I told Dusty to pose and act as a decoy. He is making the face of what I assume every girl sees before he lays down his sex.
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