Holy Shit.

At around 11:00am, I was driving around Tempe with my topper from work still on the roof of my car. Every once in a while, some random person walking will see me drive by and wave, point, or give me a little head nod. It's nice. I had noticed that on my way to work, two separate people waved to me and I was feeling like today wasn't going to completely suck. Well, I was behind a bus while it was unloading, and this black lady began laughing hysterically at me. At first I thought she could just have been told something extremely funny, but she began pointing. I just sat there and took it. It was all I could do.

The first part of my thirteen hour workday was a delivering shift at my store. Everything was pretty normal until this guy threw up all over the bathroom floor. It is shitty enough that I had to hear him throwing up, but knowing that I was going to be the one to clean it up stung worse. When he came out, he fessed up to what he did and offered $20 to whoever was going to clean it up. Fuck yes, dude. Yes, it is cleaning up vomit, but it's sure as hell better than cleaning up vomit for minimum wage.

The second part of my work day was working inshop at a slower store by myself. The manager of this store told me I really didn't have to do any paperwork or deal with any money, but to basically clean and lock up the place. I was accompanied by one of their drivers, who would spend most of his time outside the store, leaving me completely alone at times. Here is a list of things I considered doing during my shift:

1) Doing more work that was expected of me. Reason I did not do it: Their shit/ way of doing shit is way different from how we do it at my store.
2) Go on the computer and play Kitten Cannon. Reason I did not do it: Their internet was shitty.
3) Masturbate in the bathroom. Reason I did not do it: No motivation.
4) Masturbate anywhere in the store. Reason I reconsidered: No cameras, no customers, no problem.

Now this is a list of things I actually did:

1) Hang out for lengthy periods of time.
2) Punch frozen bacon.
3) Danced. I just found out about the band Justice.
4) Quickly befriend any customers.
5) Would yell profanities out loud, because I could.
6) Wash my hands every time after I went to the bathroom.
7) Call friends.
8) Cleaned.
9) Not masturbate.

I am staying up only so that I can go in at 8:00am when the managers are supposed to arrive and explain everything that I did because I am pretty sure I fucked it up royally. I guess I could hide behind the excuse, "No one ever trained me."

Pictures from the State Fair.

I just recently found where I had saved all the pictures I took when my roommates and I went to the State Fair to see Coolio, Young MC, and Naughty by Nature live. These pictures are too real. Let's see the highlights of the trip!


This is what we saw right as we entered the Fair. I never said it was pretty, but indulge in the white trash!


This guy was my favorite. This cold blooded heart throb has got a message, and that message is: "I know how to party."


Alecia and I had to team up for this one. Notice the guy on his blue tooth as well as the lady's third chin.


This is Tim blending in with some random kids. The only problem I have with this picture is why would anyone want to get their shoes shined at the state fair?

We continues walking and found a bag of trash out in the open. Trevor is not surprised. Also note the lady with the sweatshirt wrapped around her waist. Wow.


The trick to popping those balloons is getting around the lady.


This lady looks like a broke-ass Stephen King. Fucking creep.


Courtesy of Trevor Thon. This guy is begging for it.

After this point we headed to the concert. Young MC was first to perform and opened up with a new song of his called "That ain't the picture on yo myspace page." He's going places.

fuck fuck fuck

During these hard economic times, my parents offered to help me out by covering my car insurance until I graduate college. The joke is on them because I never plan on graduating. I should feel bad, but they left a loophole and they should be proud of me for outsmarting them. This is the first semester I cannot afford, so I will be working my ass off at work hoping it will numb the depressing feeling of being a full-time delivery driver. Not going to school will feel a little weird, but its not like I went to class when I could afford it.

It is 2:15AM and I am at work. It is absolutely fucking dead, hence why I am on the computer.

Last night was Tim's birthday and we bro'd out pretty hard. It's always sad knowingly being the drunkest one at a party. I'm just #@rDc0r3.

I'll write something funny soon, I swear.

Super Awesome.

So as most people know, I am a delivery driver for a company that shall remain unnamed. While on a run today, I delivered to a mentally challenged gentleman, but this information was withheld from me and was instantly discover upon arrival. Now, I call a lot of people “retarded,” but it was obvious to me that this man had a problem. His total was $21.58 and he handed me $40. I asked him a question I ask everyone in this situation: “How much would you like back?” This caught the man off guard and he became instantly bewildered and began shouting at me. Let me try to recreate the scenario.

Me: How much would you like back?
Guy: I ALREADY TOLD YOU! (He was, in fact, shouting.)
Me: Sir, I did not take your call. I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Guy: I told you that I wanted a 10 and a 5 back over the phone!
Me: (Pause) Alright.

I then proceeded to pull out $15 (two 5’s and five 1’s)

Guy: This isn’t what I wanted!
Me: It is the same amount that you had asked for.

He continued to yell at me for another 2 ½ minutes, reminding me that he strictly told the person on the phone that he demanded a 10 and a 5. Finally, he ran inside to talk to what I assumed was his wife. He then returned outside and said. “She said its ok. You can leave now.” What the fuck.

Monday, January 19th, 2009.

This is a true story:

The city of Tempe sent a letter to my roommates and me telling us that we had to cut the grass in our front yard. We had neglected to cut our lawn for about four months prior to this, and whenever I would walk to my car, I would always fear a small animal, a snake, or even Orange Cat to jump out of the tall grass and fucking destroy me.
Anyways, we paid two guys to take care of the yard for $40 total. I wasn't home when they attended our yard, but when I came home, Trevor had told me that they had found human shit in our yard. At first, Trevor assumed it was just a large dog's doings, but the strapping young lads insisted that it was human shit. Trevor paid them an extra $20 for cleaning it up.
Now I do not know what was more depressing: accepting the fact that someone took a shit in our yard in such a hate-filled manner, or the few seconds it took me to wonder whether or not it was me.