I'm glad auditions are over. By the second day, I was done with watching the same awful sketches and wanted to kill myself. I was surprised when my sketch wasn't the shittiest and a little disappointed, to be honest. I tried really hard to make my sketch fucking awful. No one got naked. I don't know how to further comment on it.
Also...
Fuck Jon and Kate and all eight of their stupid fucking children. They are not extraordinary other than the fact that she squeezed out 8 of those little shits. STOP SHOWING UP IN PEOPLE MAGAZINE OR ELSE I WONT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO READ WHILE IM POOPING AT MY PARENT'S HOUSE!
I am also glad that last week finally fucking ended. It was nice seeing my brother, but I just had way too much shit to do. Fucksicles. Time to put together a show.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Terrible Audition Sketch!
Every semester for ASUComedy auditions, we write terrible fucking sketches in hopes that people who are auditioning will make it funny. I am trying to make it impossible.
Here is my sketch.
(Lights up on a man and a woman walking to a check out counter.)
GARY: I just don't understand why you can't buy them yourself!
LISA: I told you already, I just want company.
GARY: But you're buying tampons.
LISA: Stop being such a pussy. I need to go grab some more things, I'll be right back.
GARY: Hurry up! We are next.
(Lisa leaves)
CLERK: Welcome to Walmart.
GARY: Uh, hi. I guess we'll just take these.
CLERK: Is this a joke, sir?
GARY: What?
CLERK: You're a boy.
GARY: Yes.
CLERK: A boy buying tampons.
GARY: Yes.
CLERK: Alright, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
(Lisa enters.)
LISA: Hey Gary, I found those Men's One-A-Day vitamins you've been looking for.
CLERK: Now what's this?
LISA: What?
CLERK: A woman buying man pills and a man buying tampons?! What kind of game are you two playing here?
GARY: I was just buying my girlfriend tampons...
CLERK: I don't want to even know what YOU are going to do with those, pervert!
LISA: (To Gary) Is this guy serious?
CLERK: Are YOU serious?
LISA: What?
CLERK: Zibbity ZOP ZOP ZOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
(The clerk then proceeds to get naked.)
GARY: You make everything awful, Lisa.
(Lightz)
Here is my sketch.
(Lights up on a man and a woman walking to a check out counter.)
GARY: I just don't understand why you can't buy them yourself!
LISA: I told you already, I just want company.
GARY: But you're buying tampons.
LISA: Stop being such a pussy. I need to go grab some more things, I'll be right back.
GARY: Hurry up! We are next.
(Lisa leaves)
CLERK: Welcome to Walmart.
GARY: Uh, hi. I guess we'll just take these.
CLERK: Is this a joke, sir?
GARY: What?
CLERK: You're a boy.
GARY: Yes.
CLERK: A boy buying tampons.
GARY: Yes.
CLERK: Alright, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
(Lisa enters.)
LISA: Hey Gary, I found those Men's One-A-Day vitamins you've been looking for.
CLERK: Now what's this?
LISA: What?
CLERK: A woman buying man pills and a man buying tampons?! What kind of game are you two playing here?
GARY: I was just buying my girlfriend tampons...
CLERK: I don't want to even know what YOU are going to do with those, pervert!
LISA: (To Gary) Is this guy serious?
CLERK: Are YOU serious?
LISA: What?
CLERK: Zibbity ZOP ZOP ZOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
(The clerk then proceeds to get naked.)
GARY: You make everything awful, Lisa.
(Lightz)
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