I woke up Monday morning and immediately wrote my two weeks notice. It was an exhilarating experience despite the actual length of my notice. The letter in its entirety:
February 7, 2010
To Whom It May Concern:
I am sad to inform you that this is my two weeks notice. My last day of work will be Sunday, February 21, 2010.
Best of luck,
Brian C. Rhoads
I left it on the manager's desk as I was finished closing the store. I wanted to say so much more about how that store has sucked out my soul and robbed me of whatever innocence I may have had left. I've been happier ever since. Dobbins asked me today how I felt and I could not summon up the words due to an overwhelming amount of thoughts that ran through my head.
Tuesday night I passed a man who was obviously fucked up and holding a handful of change on my way to class. Along with his defeated slouch, he was sporting a San Francisco 49ers jacket (that I'm sure was fresh in the 90's) and a black trucker hat with no logo. He approached me and held out one quarter and murmured the words, "Hey, yo, bro, I know you gots the sugar. Hook me up with some sugar." Sadly, I did not come through with the sugar and continued walking. The man begins walking behind me at approximately 5 paces behind and proceeds to ask everyone passing us for sugar. It was tight. It was like he knew that I wanted to hear as much of his daily interactions as possible.
I was heading to my Harlem Renaissance class, the class where white kids feel they get the green light to say the 'n' word as much as possible. Notable characters:
1) "Desperately Trying to Be Different" Girl - She has a wild haircut and wears the same denim jacket with a "The Cramps: Bad music for bad people" patch safety pinned to the back of it. Isn't she unique? I overheard her exchanging jokes with other classmates. When it was her turn, she said,"Ummmm, well, what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast a beef, but no one can pee soup!!! I heard that on iCarly." For those of you who do not know what iCarly is, be happy. My only justification for knowing this shit is my seven year old niece.
2) "Girl Who Desperately Wants to Be the 'Desperately Trying to Be Different' Girl" Girl - She constantly glances over at Example 1 for an indication of how to react to nearly everything. All that will make her happy is Example 1's acceptance. She is also mad dumpy.
3)Crazy Asian Lady - This one is my favorite. She is in her sixties and can barely speak any English. I am not mocking her for either one of these traits, but what you also need to know is that she is fucking crazy. She will utter a half-coherent sentence whenever she wants and has also been asked kindly by several people in her vicinity to stop grabbing their shit. On several occasions, I have seen her eat a bag of chips by holding the bottom of the bag with her hand and eating straight out of the bag with her mouth. Tight.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Good Morning.
This is the second time within a year that I have been robbed. You can see where the thief used the screwdriver.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Ahhh
Shortly after my last post, my computer became infested with viruses and completely shut down. Bruce E. Bruce, having taken a community college course in computer technology, deemed that my computer was in such bad condition that he needed to rebuild the computer entirely. Today was the first day I have connected to our wireless router in over 3 months... The first thing I did when I got the internet working was attempt to quit my MySpace account. This shit is impossible.
Since then, I would spend my time at home watching terrible television. I kept up with Wifeswap and Jersey Shore, but I fell into a habit of watching terrible movies filmed back in 1996. The latest one was "The Fan" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116277/). You try and find something worse. I went through a "Saved by the Bell" phase lately, but luckily for me, Cheaters comes on around the same time. I'll watch Lifetime movies, prison documentaries, Secrets of Aspen... Hell, I'll even watch "For the Love of Ray J," but I stop at "My Life as Liz." That shit is just garbage.
I'm too excited to have the internet right now... I must pause in my writings. Here are two amazing videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amFdmB_t-DY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn1mKOnWn_Q
Since then, I would spend my time at home watching terrible television. I kept up with Wifeswap and Jersey Shore, but I fell into a habit of watching terrible movies filmed back in 1996. The latest one was "The Fan" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116277/). You try and find something worse. I went through a "Saved by the Bell" phase lately, but luckily for me, Cheaters comes on around the same time. I'll watch Lifetime movies, prison documentaries, Secrets of Aspen... Hell, I'll even watch "For the Love of Ray J," but I stop at "My Life as Liz." That shit is just garbage.
I'm too excited to have the internet right now... I must pause in my writings. Here are two amazing videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amFdmB_t-DY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn1mKOnWn_Q
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Cut Me Up, Brah.
Holy shit. This story starts at the beginning.
So near the tail end of my shift, I was pissing irregularly and constantly. It was embarrassing to have to take so many breaks from work, but I had to do what I had to do. Ty and a couple of my coworkers suggested that it was a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) and recommended that I slam as much cranberry juice as possible. Doing this made shit intense.
I have what is called a stricture (a pinch in the urethra [your piss tube, brah]) which causes me to piss irregularly and slowly. Normal people piss like a faucet on full blast, where as I piss like a faucet barely turned on. I had surgery back in 2005 to correct this, but after about a year, the symptoms starting showing again in a slight manor. I remember after that surgery, I sat in a papasan chair (HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL THAT?) and watched a marathon of the Venus and Serena Williams Reality show. I'm a glutton for punishment via terrible TV?
Cut back to slamming cranberry cocktail. Around 8:30pm, I was freaking out in my bathroom trying to piss. I called my sister who had informed me about all the possibilities it could have been and convinced me to at least get it checked out. I was freaking the fuck out, needless to say. At the emergency room, I was assigned a hot nurse who was really calming and friendly. Of course they give me the hot nurse during this embarrassing penis dilemma. I wish I shaved my balls. They ran tests on my urine and even checked to see how much urine was in my system. I had more urine in my bladder than the machine could calculate; They estimated that I had over a liter of piss in my bladder. I looked like one of those pot bellied children in a third world country.
She (hot nurse) attempted to put in a cathader but could not insert it completely due to my reappearing stricture. They even tried a smaller one to see if they could squeeze it past my stricture to empty up my bladder but ended up with the same result. They had to transfer me to a hospital which had an on-call Urologist who would actually respond. Dr. Heiland was the only person I encountered who didn't have a sense of humor. Understandably, I was the asshole who woke her up at 4am.
Sidenote: In both hospitals, there was a drunk man handcuffed to a stretcher. The one at the first hospital had the net mask so he couldn't spit at the cops/nurses. It was humorous to hear the staff just talk to this drunk fuck.
DF: GET ME OUT OF HERRRRE I DONT WANT TO BE HERRE UNCHAIN ME CUT THIS OFF CUT OFF CUT OFFF
NURSE: That is my favorite type of t-shirt. What's your favorite band? (In attempt to calm this fucker down)
DF: (I shit you not, but the guy began yelling:) ICP! ICP! ICP!
hahahahahaha. The second guy was wasted and wouldn't comply with the hospital staff. Instead, he just kept calling the cops 'faggots' and screaming 'ow' as loud as he could. Also, as I was being wheeled to the ambulance, I saw several dumpy girls passed out (and tied down) on stretchers. Awesome.
Anyways, I had the surgery again and now have to have a cathedor (however you fucking spell it. Right clicking it doesn't help... they just think I'm trying to spell cathedral) for a week. Awesome.... right?
The best part of the whole experience for me was seeing my family, especially my sister. She came through when I needed her the most and was a big sister. I know it sounds stupid, but my sister and I never really got along too well until she moved to Arizona with us. At that point in time, I was 16 and 'independent' and refused any type of help. But last night, I finally had my older sister.
That and seeing Sadie always makes me happy. I love you so much, Sadie. You're getting a great Christmas present (like you always do).
This was the spoOooOooOOOokiest Halloween I have ever had. Be safe, kids.
So near the tail end of my shift, I was pissing irregularly and constantly. It was embarrassing to have to take so many breaks from work, but I had to do what I had to do. Ty and a couple of my coworkers suggested that it was a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) and recommended that I slam as much cranberry juice as possible. Doing this made shit intense.
I have what is called a stricture (a pinch in the urethra [your piss tube, brah]) which causes me to piss irregularly and slowly. Normal people piss like a faucet on full blast, where as I piss like a faucet barely turned on. I had surgery back in 2005 to correct this, but after about a year, the symptoms starting showing again in a slight manor. I remember after that surgery, I sat in a papasan chair (HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL THAT?) and watched a marathon of the Venus and Serena Williams Reality show. I'm a glutton for punishment via terrible TV?
Cut back to slamming cranberry cocktail. Around 8:30pm, I was freaking out in my bathroom trying to piss. I called my sister who had informed me about all the possibilities it could have been and convinced me to at least get it checked out. I was freaking the fuck out, needless to say. At the emergency room, I was assigned a hot nurse who was really calming and friendly. Of course they give me the hot nurse during this embarrassing penis dilemma. I wish I shaved my balls. They ran tests on my urine and even checked to see how much urine was in my system. I had more urine in my bladder than the machine could calculate; They estimated that I had over a liter of piss in my bladder. I looked like one of those pot bellied children in a third world country.
She (hot nurse) attempted to put in a cathader but could not insert it completely due to my reappearing stricture. They even tried a smaller one to see if they could squeeze it past my stricture to empty up my bladder but ended up with the same result. They had to transfer me to a hospital which had an on-call Urologist who would actually respond. Dr. Heiland was the only person I encountered who didn't have a sense of humor. Understandably, I was the asshole who woke her up at 4am.
Sidenote: In both hospitals, there was a drunk man handcuffed to a stretcher. The one at the first hospital had the net mask so he couldn't spit at the cops/nurses. It was humorous to hear the staff just talk to this drunk fuck.
DF: GET ME OUT OF HERRRRE I DONT WANT TO BE HERRE UNCHAIN ME CUT THIS OFF CUT OFF CUT OFFF
NURSE: That is my favorite type of t-shirt. What's your favorite band? (In attempt to calm this fucker down)
DF: (I shit you not, but the guy began yelling:) ICP! ICP! ICP!
hahahahahaha. The second guy was wasted and wouldn't comply with the hospital staff. Instead, he just kept calling the cops 'faggots' and screaming 'ow' as loud as he could. Also, as I was being wheeled to the ambulance, I saw several dumpy girls passed out (and tied down) on stretchers. Awesome.
Anyways, I had the surgery again and now have to have a cathedor (however you fucking spell it. Right clicking it doesn't help... they just think I'm trying to spell cathedral) for a week. Awesome.... right?
The best part of the whole experience for me was seeing my family, especially my sister. She came through when I needed her the most and was a big sister. I know it sounds stupid, but my sister and I never really got along too well until she moved to Arizona with us. At that point in time, I was 16 and 'independent' and refused any type of help. But last night, I finally had my older sister.
That and seeing Sadie always makes me happy. I love you so much, Sadie. You're getting a great Christmas present (like you always do).
This was the spoOooOooOOOokiest Halloween I have ever had. Be safe, kids.
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