Easter Beginningzzzz

The Rendezvous of Miss Penny Sue
by Audrey Farnsworth and Brian Rhoads


In a quiet little dive bar at a half hour ‘til 2,
an appearance was made by inebriated Penny Sue.

People stared as she flew across the bar,
revealing her embarrassing c-section scar.

Her hair sprung with a bounce and flaired with a curl,
“I’ll have two rum and diets,” said the intoxicated girl.

Waiting for her drinks, her shouting grew crude,
“She’s fat, she sucks and I’m sure she’s a dude.”

She scoped the crowd and checked every stool,
until she recognized someone from high school.

The good looking man was equally as wrecked,
“Oh my god, weren’t we in Home Ec?”

Billy? No. Todd? Mark. Ah! James!
This was no time for remembering names.

As she texted vividly waiting for time to pass,
the man had the intention of tapping that ass.

While she frantically pounded her rum and coke,
the high school lab partner rose and spoke.

“A lovely girl like you certainly doesn’t come here,”
“I took a cab from Scottsdale,” and all was made clear.

The bar tender’s voice could be heard by all,
and broke everyone’s hearts as he cried, “Last call.”

Penny Sue balanced herself on the nearest pole,
as she called the bartender a “Giant asshole!”

She took two steps too many and had a stumble,
Causing the audience to murmur and mumble.

Penny Sue cleaned herself off and began to say,
“Fuck all you losers, it’s my birthday!”

In such a frenzy, the man was surely turned off,
when she slammed six shots of Sour Apple Smirnoff.

Penny Sue was having a good time, nothing could spoil it,
that is, unless she didn’t find the nearest toilet.

She ran to the bathroom, hasty and quick,
Said one of his friends, “Dude, she’s gonna be sick!”

The high school friend followed her to the back,
Knowing that this was the moment to attack!!1!

“I’ll handle this, just close out her tab,
Get me some water, and call us a cab.”

With the man’s help, Penny Sue was alive,
They were in that bathroom til about 2:25.

With her last gag, she took off her shoes,
The night was surely over for Miss Penny Sue.

They hopped in the taxi, and laughed such laughter,
Everyone ended their night happily ever after.