The Delivery Driver Chronicles: Part 1

I am a delivery boy. You are the customer.

This is what is expected of me by my employers:
1) Show up to work on time.
2) Wear a company t-shirt.
3) Answer phones politely and try to up-sell.
4) Do not fight anyone.
5) Make sure you have everything that is on the receipt inside the bag before leaving.
6) Drive to the destination and back in the quickest, and safest route possible,
7) Wash dishes/clean lobby.
8) Do not cuss in front of any customer.

This is difficult for some people to oblige by. I admit the job is easy, but it is also monotonous. The people who follow the rules are the ones who make the most money because they know exactly what they’re doing. You can make some decent money.

This is what is expected of me by you, the customer:
1) Don’t put my dick in your food.
2) Deliver the food as soon as you hang up the phone and dick-free.

I will paint a scenario for you: You are a delivery driver. I call you and make an order. I am infamous for poorly tipping delivery drivers, even if the delivery is delivered within 30 minutes. You can recall delivering to me 3 times in the past two weeks where I have tipped you close to nothing. Try and not put your dick in my sandwich. I dare you.

This is what I expect from my employers:
1) Provide all of the products necessary to do my job.
2) Have the full amount of paycheck ready for me every other Friday.

Pretty clear cut.

This is what I expect of customers:
1) Be polite.
2) A reasonable tip.

You should always tip your driver at least a gallon of gas. Unleaded is a safe bet. Also, when I am asking you to repeat something, it is because I am making sure that your fat, unappreciative ass will get what it desires. Please do not speak to me as if I were retarded.