Vegas Trip

For my Dad's birthday, my brother, Mom, and I decided to surprise him with a trip to Las Vegas. I had a good time hanging out with my family and learned/saw some serious shit.

Location: Sky Harbor Airport
1) The Burger King was happenin' at 6:30 am.
2) The bar I went to had regulars.
3) I could not find bro fuel anywhere. This upset me.

Location: Airplane
1) I sat next to two giggling girls on their way to Las Vegas for a "girls trip." They already had their skanky dresses on and took pictures of themselves almost the entire trip. For a while, I pretended that I was asleep so that I did not have to take a stupid fucking picture of them holding up their $7 cocktails. They giggled about everything possible. Every sentence was accompanied by the sounds of high pitched slootery. There was some serious dick hunting to be done by these women of the twilight.

Location: Shuttle to the Luxor
Me: Hey dude, let me see your camera.
Dustin: I don't have mine. It was stolen.
Me: Shut up.
Dustin: Yeah, it was stolen out of my car.
Me: Get the fuck out of here.
Dustin: Yeah, dude, I was robbed.
Me: You left your car unlocked on your driveway, huh?
Dustin: You were robbed, too, weren't you?
Me: Yup.

We were quiet for the rest of the bus ride.

Location: Luxor
1) I discovered that my mom has a fear of escalators. Huh.
2) In the same night, I also learned that my Dad has a third nipple.
3) At about 5am, my Dad returned from his gambling and proceeded to get ready for bed. Amidst his preparation, I heard him wake my mother with an ever so endearing comment, "Lois, I think I took Jenny's god damned birth control!" Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
4) Carrot Top and Criss Angel advertisements EVERYWHERE. The shit made my dick soft.
5) There were 20-25 of those people who hand out the strip club cards in a row. It was pretty fucking amazing. I tried making a deal with them that I would take as many of their flyers as they wanted if I could just run down the line and have everyone give me a low five like they do when they introduce basketball players. They didn't understand anything I was saying and continued to flick their advertisements at me.

Location: Car ride home.
1) We stopped at a Chevron/McDonald's to fuel up and use the restrooms. Inside the McDonald's, I counted 35 people. No kidding, 35 people. I would have taken a picture of them, but you cannot really tell what is what on my camera phone.

Awesome.