Invitation - Shel Silverstein

If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer...
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some fla-golden tales to spin.
Come in!
come in!

So a couple days ago, I finally figured out why I couldn't connect to the internet and I felt completely retarded. It was basically the first time I had tried as opposed to just saying "fuck it" and played Super Nintendo for hourz. I have also been really fucking busy over the past weeks which results in me being a lazy shit whenever I am at home. Anyways, I digress. This post would have been last night, but I watched an ungodly amount of porn and royally pounded one out. It was quite miraculous.

I got a 94/100 on my sign language video tape, mother fucker!

I typed "wacky picture" into Google and this picture came up with the caption "Grandma's are so wacky!" Incredible. Incredibrah? Just maybe.

Farce Side has been going swell. We are getting better every week.

Friday night at work, I was driving through a bro palace (a condo community leased out to a bunch of bros and slooterz w#0 k@n b 533n @t dUh p3WL @t @LL t1m3zZ!1!!) and saw a sloot stumbling in the middle of the street and eventually directly in front of my Honda CR-V. She stared right into my eyes and said...


SLOOT: If I show you my tits, will you give me a pizza?
ME: Absolutely.

Before I could finish the word, she already had her nipples exposed, defenseless to the moonlight and covered parking. I am an honest man; She had awesome boobs. Good for her. After a moment...

ME: Sorry, miss, but I sell sandwiches. Later.

I drove off towards the automatic gates and back to the store. I'm pretty sure she didn't really care or even remember it in the morning.

Time to sleep so I can fucking throw it down in sign language.

WU TANG!

I thought I just saw someone smoking in the computer lab.

I had this weird fucking dream where I was on the cast of Saved by the Bell (during when Mario Lopez was yet to be on cast). Everything was going swimmingly, until I realized where the fuck I was. I even remember walking with the "Alex" character and explaining to him that I'm 22. He then told me to go chat with Ms. Bliss.


I'm 22...

Matt Stafford Picture

see more Sports Pictures

haha

b0n3RzZ

I'm glad auditions are over. By the second day, I was done with watching the same awful sketches and wanted to kill myself. I was surprised when my sketch wasn't the shittiest and a little disappointed, to be honest. I tried really hard to make my sketch fucking awful. No one got naked. I don't know how to further comment on it.

Also...

Fuck Jon and Kate and all eight of their stupid fucking children. They are not extraordinary other than the fact that she squeezed out 8 of those little shits. STOP SHOWING UP IN PEOPLE MAGAZINE OR ELSE I WONT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO READ WHILE IM POOPING AT MY PARENT'S HOUSE!

I am also glad that last week finally fucking ended. It was nice seeing my brother, but I just had way too much shit to do. Fucksicles. Time to put together a show.